Sometimes if you leave home to work abroad, your family can easily make you their slave especially if you have selfish and narcissistic parents. At first, you had no problem sending virtually all the money you earned because you knew the situation at home but after a while, you begin to feel exploited and exhausted.
It suddenly dawns on you that nobody is thinking about you and if you don’t start saving and planning for a better future you’ll end up back to square zero after all these years. So you cut down the monthly ratio you’re sending home so that you can save the rest and develop yourself. Now you’re accused of changing because you got money, of forgetting your people and leaving them for the dead, of betraying them when they need you, etcetera. You struggle with guilt, anger, and confusion and if you’re not careful, you can sink into depression and end up messing up with your work and your mental wellness.
What’s happening here? Your parents are the way they are financially probably because of their way of thinking, and if you follow all their advice to the tee you will end up being the way they are as well. Wealth and poverty are a result of mindsets and behaviors. Whether you’re born into poverty or wealth, how your life turns out over the years is totally a result of the choices you make.
The solution is to be firm and acknowledge that this is a war of ideologies. Step back and develop a path for your life, a strategy for building your empire. You can start with saving for one or two years then opening a business or educating yourself for a profession you like, or acquiring properties without involving them.
Decide on the most realistic amount that can be sent home and let them adjust to that. If they stress you block them, all of them. If they threaten you with curses let them curse and repeat. Undeserved curses can never touch you. Their unthankful attitude is their choice. Don’t let it get under your skin. Remain peaceful and focused because no one will be there to your rescue when you lose it mentally. You will perish in the wilderness.
Let’s support our families but have a limit to ensure personal growth and development.
Story of my life! I really needed this.Thank u so much.
I highly rate this article. It speaks of the struggle our generation has to go through
Supporting our families but in the end If you , yourself have nothing left. How will you survive? End of the day you are alone as you need to remember you were born alone and you will die alone .
So why not take care of yourself and live like there is no tomorrow.
if you disable yourself financially at an early stage, you will not create a bigger impact in your society so be mindful @Taariq..more compelling articles are coming
Firstly, I love how Firm your stand is on choices!
Yes, We are only but a result of our choices.
Choose you today!
Choose to unapologetically chase after the things you desire.
Secondly, Like you, I loathe our Mentality towards people in the diaspora, especially the saviour and damsel situationships!
Lastly!
Here’s to Freedom!
To being free from the shackles of guilt, the only one that’s got you is you!
Yessssssssssss!
Thank you for this reminder!
Thank you for this! Piece i absolutely loved it
This is information we all needed so we could live free from guilt…Yes we can provide for family but not at the expense of our future …cause if you become a failure even family looks at you as an outcast ..
It happens to 90% of us & it’s draining..we don’t owe our families anything & if we are to help financially it should be done out of love for them not cause we are compelled to..
This is a very good article..
Proud of you my girl
This was definitely worth a read and am glad you said all that you said unapologetically. People abroad need to understand that they can’t save everybody and much as it may appear like they are in a better place than the people back at home they don’t have to overstretch because at the end of the day there is no point in going all out for people who will not attach the same value to the money you’ve made. You realise when you make your own hard earned money the value you attach to it is tangible unlike someone who has been given money as a grant. They appreciate it fine but they may spend it recklessly without even putting into consideration there is someone out there toiling to provide. Meanwhile they are using the biggest percentage of your earnings for enjoyments and you on the other hand have nothing to show for all your years of hard-work. Like you said if you choose to help draw a boundary and give them a cut of your earnings not the entire bag don’t mind about their stories of how you changed….you are only doing something that works for you and doesn’t really strain.As long as you have it at heart that you haven’t forsaken them entirely please be at peace.
Thank you Emily, you clearly cemented it
Very nice piece Brinah thanks
It gets intense sometimes.
Facts not opinions
Keep it going
Firstly, I love how Firm your stand is on choices!
Yes, We are only but a result of our choices.
Choose you today!
Choose to unapologetically chase after the things you desire.
Secondly, Like you, I loathe our Mentality towards people in the diaspora, especially the saviour and damsel situationships!
Lastly!
Here’s to Freedom!
To being free from the shackles of guilt, the only one that’s got you is you!
Yessssssssssss!
Thank you for this reminder!
Thank you for this! Piece i absolutely loved it
Everything here is true, it’s important to decide on a realistic a mount to help put your self in a better position to succeed for your mental health.
Wow!!!!!
I didn’t know that family can also contribute to your downfall…
Thanks for this….
Heavy on the “ Undeserved curses can never touch you”
These are facts though, usually people at home think you earn a lot and feel entitled to this “a lot” not considering the cost of living alone where one is residing, when you’ll develop yourself and all. Strongly agree on the blocking if they can’t understand your position in their life. Its definitely not to provide what they can’t for themselves. Only give when you have to.
I highly rate this article. It speaks of the struggle our generation has to go through
Supporting our families but in the end If you , yourself have nothing left. How will you survive? End of the day you are alone as you need to remember you were born alone and you will die alone .
So why not take care of yourself and live like there is no tomorrow.
Definitely, making yourself a priority is the best way to go
Many Ugandans abroad need to read this because most leave the country only for the purpose of taking care of their poor families.
Many of them need to receive a copy. Sharing is caring!
Very sad that the people u would expect to support you are the people that pull you down at the time when you need em the most 🤦🏿♂️🤦🏿♂️ I say just stick to God cause he got you there he will stand with you all through
That’s the sad reality Rex
The struggles and sacrifices we go through, to bring change to our beloved ones, and at the end of the day, it’s taken for granted..
People are greedy, selfish, that’s why self-love, care mentally and physically are very important. Everyone has a journey to take.
If you forget self-care, they won’t even know when you perish
“Let’s support our families but have a limit to ensure personal growth and development”
Our families need to know this!! Thanks to the author It’s a new way of starting life over again
Daisy, if you go by the words in the quotation, you won’t lose track. If it chokes your progress, it’s not worth it.
This is the best thing I have read so far thank you African column 🙏🏽
Thanks you Maaso for following, more compelling articles coming soon
Some parents who are like this are toxic people. They will ask for money on a daily basis, sometime not direct to the point. You want to help out and if you do they take advantage, they will never care, because they are selfish, they don’t even care about your needs because they are too busy thinking about theirs. If one is financially comfortable, maybe the best way to handle the parents’ request for money is to decide on an amount that you may give them each month. Telling them how much you plan to give them and let them know that the amount is the most you can spare and that you don’t want them to make additional requests beyond what you’ve decided to give them.
That’s a good strategy Lisa, thank you. I hope people take note
Where is the lie! to anyone out there planning on traveling leave alone asking about the standard of living abroad this is what you need to know and the rest will fall into place. I realized if you don’t attach clear goals to your money, you will end up working for others and in the end, you won’t be contented and they won’t as well because there is no way you’re going to please a receiving hand. May God open hustlers’ eyes to reality thanks African column for this article.
I’ve seen loved ones struggle with this. Don’t even get me started on the relatives you didn’t know suddenly getting your contact. The entitlement😭
The peace of mind deterioration thereafter 😭😭
True same applies to people leaving villages to come and work in town 😢😢😢parents be thinking you earn as much as they would love to spend 👌👌👌
Let’s be guided don’t stress your self out help them when you can.
Yes. The Black Tax.
I hear you Essy
Very true
Never been so right….tx for speaking for many
“If they stress you block them, all of them”😂
It’s a big issue, mostly with distant relatives.
I think if I was in these shoes….I might need to use that line where you stressed that I gotta block them😹😹,I don’t need any bad energy that is going to try and get in my way of thriving ahead.
Apana,we need a breather guys.
Thanks Brinah for this great piece,it’s so relatable
Yes. The Black Tax is a reality for many people today. People in the diaspora with families back home and people urban centers with their folks back in the villages. Its about standing your ground and doing what you is right. They adjust. Its always tricky dealing with their entitlement because at the end of the day they’re your family but tough love is wiser and healthier for you.
We have to give but in a way that doesn’t retard our progress! Thanks George for following
Bitter truth…… African parents feel entitled to their children’s money just because they gave birth to them…… A simple reminder dears – we are human too and can also become frustrated by your endless demands 😤…. Lovely article Brie…. Thanks a lot for this🤝🤝
This my story, and definitely a story to many people out there!!
They say it’s all about family, but most of the time to us who have been abroad, family is the downfall for us!
Will not say much , a few can relate..
This is very touching and I wish parents saw it from this perspective. This is why I am working tooth and nail to be contented so that my children don’t ever feel suffocated.
This can be relatable to graduates in the country who have jobs that lay fairly well. Parents and relatives always look at you like your life is an offering for their financial survival. And if any of them ever needs services from an organisation you work for, they except you to push them to the source with out following normal procedure…and then cater for the bills too. Mentality is so dead.
It’s quite saddening that these are the kind of struggles we have to go through only to earn a sense of recognition from our families. It’s more heart wrenching that amidst all this we end up hopelessly getting lost in spaces we shouldn’t have;to depression, anxiety, guilt and the likes..
Nonetheless, I think it’s high time our parents and relatives get an awareness that their poor planning should never constitute an emergency on our end because even after you send what you can afford too, the end of the story is always self victimization!!
-Thank you Brinah for this article. It’s a goldmine!
It’s amazing how we always have to suffer in silence on such issues just because they’re our parents and if you don’t fulfill their demands you’re always reminded how much they did for you to get where you are now
Every paragraph in this article is worth a read. If every foreigner digested and practiced the ideas here- a huge development would noticed especially in the BAM diaspora communities. This article not only incite information but is full of the knowledge in a few steps for personal development while in diaspora.
Well written. Thanks
Very relatable
I rate this article 20/10. That shows how much value I have for it. This is a story for most of the folks out there.
I hope the parent s and family that co me across this article change their way of thinking.
Way to go Brie!
Bravo on this.
Oh wow this is good.Many Ugandans abroad surely need this.These parents don’t know what we go through so the “support them with a limit for personal growth”that’s a good one.Thanks to the author.
This article is very beautiful am proud of you my sister .Every bit of it is worth a read,families and friends down in Africa need this kind of awareness so that they change their mindset about relatives living in the diaspora .
Most people back home consider having someone working abroad as an investment. But it’s up to you to decide on whether you are going to let them exploit you or limit them.
Sending lots of light and love to whoever goin through this or has been through it…. its really a toxic situation that calls for lots of positivity an courage .. thank you brie for throwing a light
This article is much recommended. It’s so deep and honest. And gives better insight and understanding .
This article explains why most people in diaspora struggle with depression. Your own family back home can depress you because of their big entitlements over your hard-work. It’s good to put yourself first always.✌️✌️✌️
Yes. This is a fact that all youth should realize and work on Early enough.
The power to make wealth is in our mindset.
Have financial control. It’s your money, you worked for it, learn to spend it wisely.
Many times people back home really have no idea what one goes through out there to get paid, they think its a smooth ride but they don’t think about one’s expenses and future goals. So yes,one has to stand their ground and do whats best for them physically, mentally, economically etc.
Thanks for this Brinah,many have to read this
Nice peace, time to address this cash cow tendency
Well put together
You are right. Breaking ties for self development may look selfish but is worth it. No one should be subjected to parasites .
Something worthy to read
This is so True
Am so proud of you Brie❤️
My take: in most of the cases you will realize that people you leave behind are not well to do and will need assistance in one way or another. Whereas it’s true the most diaspora members feel exploited, most become pejorative of their past back home and that’s what fuels the anger of people back home. You will also realize that most families will break bones for there child to go abroad for a glimpse of hope in life of the whole family.
It therefore rests on both parties to be considerate to each other. In my opinion the only way to get around this situation is; for once when you get abroad set a precedent that you’ve not become someone’s bank, ration your earnings and give what you can. For the most part it will be one’s siblings who haven’t made it yet that will need most help especially with school fees, if one can secure for them scholarships that would fill a big gap. Then for any case when you settle invite or assist one of them to come and work/study This relieves you of a big burden.
Don’ts: never ever send money home to anyone however much you trust them to start a project for you. Ruther use cooperate bodies Thant can do the work.
Don’t make it obvious to them that you make a lot of money and that you are the new bread winner, never ever take on that role.
Communicate promptly and make contributions whenever necessary, never take on financial problems at home by yourself.
Thankyou for writing this Beautiful Factful piece❤
Honestly This Article has Communicated for the thousands and millions of people out there working so hard day and night in the Diaspora or even out of their native Countries.
Families and Parents Can really get so Selfish and extremely entitled to what a young Adult or relative out there works for.
Their motive is never for that person to achieve the best for themselves but to achieve the best for the rest of the family back home.
So selfish and so Demanding that they forget about the needs and wants of the person sacrificing to make the money.
But just like you said Let them curse as much as they want because those curses aren’t even Valid‼ Young adults Should learn to put themselves first in Everything .
85% should be yours ,for your savings and ivestments plus passions you’d love to pursue eg courses to better yourself 😊and the 15% to cater for your daily needs and surplus can be sent back home to aid in lifestyle of the people home.Unless otherwise 😒‼
Protect your Mental health and Peace :Because at the end of the day when you lie down in bed to rest ,you’re all you’ve Got❤
https://africancolumn.org/2021/06/30/how-money-worsens-family-ties-between-those-abroad-and-back-home.
George Mavis: This is just information.
George Mavis: I read it, that’s really sad, I hope you are not going through all that there. Because that’s abuse. And you can’t plan your future like that. People should be able to only give and help when they can. Some of my friends go through the same thing, and because it’s family, you don’t want to let them down. So you keep going and going until you almost lose your mind. Some family members are very selfish and and just relax, while you are working hard abroad, just financing their lifestyle. And you have nothing to show for it at the end of the year that you even worked or have a job. Some family members are soo bad, that they use sickness as a straw to duck you dry while you kill yourself here working. I have had that happen to me. The latest are , I need £300 to start a small business, then, sickness, a the whole cost of the addmision is £1000. No receipt of payment to the hospital so I can see it’s been paid to the hospital, always excuses. Then you go to Africa on holiday and see them with two phones even better than yours. Nicer clothes than you, fresher shin than you 🤣🤣🤣
This article should be an eye opener to all young adults out there. No matter how quick you are to grow and assume responsibility. Take care of yourself permanently first. Secure your future first before you take on years of cemented poverty, because once you don’t work on your future,its game over for you. No one will rescue you. Not a rich partner or children because that wealth will not even be yours. Focus on you so as to stop measuring people’s love to you in accordance to what they are able to offer you.
This is something I have struggled with silently. I want so much to look after my family but its limiting my personal development. They take too much and when i don’t give, everyone freezes me out and I get depressed. When i try to put a limit,i backslide because their problems always seem important and pull me back. This is my cry for help.
Its okay to unfriend and cut off any fam or relative who doesn’t understand your/our hustle situation abroad..this is a Formula we ourselves got to halt cause we ain’t accountable to nobody ..i feel you ..
Amazing article this is!
Realistic points raised here.
I think everything still boils down to the kind of family you come from, upbringing and the ideology of your parents.
But I think the most important thing is a person’s mental health!